Well, I left my magic marriage-and-death-records hat at my mother's.
Peggy, you've obviously done a ton of research. You've combed through records of every sort, a paper trail covering many years and areas.
You haven't found the marriage and death records.
So it's a process of sorting through what is known and with a "second pair of eyes" targeting specific archives. I could recreate your research in order to have that "starting point" - but that might take years.
I can understand your disgruntlement that another person seems to not be taking you at your word about your research. That isn't the case. With research, there's always a process of citing sources (a specific source paired to a specific piece of information) that allows collaboration and also the recreation of the same connections by any other subsequent researcher.
When I buy a biography at a bookstore, it's chock full of sources.
Citing one's sources and sharing them is a time-honored, respected, and necessary step in any scholarly endeavor.