You state you are embarassed by the name "Hodapp" but then you go into great detail to explain who everybody was and give in detail info on them. I feel sorry for your family (husband & children)to have to live with a person who has such hatred stored. I would suggest some professional help beore your hatred destroys you and those around you. Get help and put it to rest. You can live without them or the memory of them. Get your own life.It is too short to live it sadly.