I have about the same information and stories as you.I'm sure the census taking was probably not that accurate early on.However, I'm thinking, as you mentioned, we may be talking about different Toms.If my ggggrandfather was born 1797 then he would have been 63 in the 1860 Douglas County census and it names Mahala as his wife, which is the information I have regarding him in that respect. There are is Marfield or a Jesse listed in my line.So, we might be on two different Kissee lines.
My dad told me that the family had papers and that there were seven brothers who came over from the Alsace Lorraine area of France. There was a Cherry Kissee, who was on this geneology site that had the same story.But she also said that one of the brothers married an Indian and the other brothers would nothing to do with him.
I have a John Willowby and his parents are Jasper S. and Lucinda Hodges.John Willowby married an Emily Amelia Hurst.There children were William Everett, Madelein Elizabeth,India Ethel, Nora Letisha, Mack Arthur (my grandfather), and Benjamin Walter. Then he married an Isabell/a Taylor.
It looks like we might be on different Kissee lines, but then we are all related no matter what line we came off of to some degree or another. I'm kind of at a diadvantage being born and raised in northern CA.I only got to know my half-aunt after my dad passed away. She sent me the written information on our Kissee line. I was raised by my maternal grandparents.
I hope this helped in some way to sort a little of this out.I guess we just have to keep plugging along.